Weird Weekend & Artistic Doubts
Journey Collage 2005
I had a moment this weekend when I alternately considered getting a 9-5 job or going back to school come fall or spring. I’ll be the first to admit that this happened on Saturday afternoon, when I was still tired mentally and physically after teaching a kid’s art camp the week before which was probably not the best time to be thinking about such a life changing venture.
Saturday evening, my husband and I had a rare evening alone because my daughter was at a friend’s house for a sleepover. I was looking forward to the evening since I wanted to talk to him about everything that had been floating around in my head all day but I found it hard to organize my thoughts coherently. Slowly the discussion turned to finances and I realized that I get stressed out about money. A lot – and the summer is a time of the year where I don’t earn much in the way of an income.
I always thought I didn’t care about money, but I do, especially when I have to watch every single penny – which is something we’ve had to do ever since I left my job with United Airlines in 2002. We always had a double income up until that date. Yes, I make an income (albeit sporadic), but it’s probably less than half if not more, of what I made at UAL.
While left to my own devices that afternoon, I started thinking about how the notion of being an artist is so incredibly self indulgent. (Oh yes, it get’s worse!) Do I think artists are valuable? Hell yes! What would we do without art in our lives?? But, this didn’t quiet my mind. I wondered if I was chasing pure folly, bored or maybe just frustrated?
I asked my husband what he would do if money were no object. We both agreed that a person has to do something with their time and it might as well be fulfilling. Certainly life’s too short to do something that doesn’t give a person any satisfaction. When I started mourning my UAL job, I realized that I missed the income and all the benefits – but definitely not the job. I hadn’t liked my job for at least 5-10 years leading up my resignation. No, I miss the financial security and routine.
I perused Craigslist Denver, The Denver Post, Monster Jobs and all the other job websites out there. Nothing looked appealing to me. Then, I started looking at education programs. What do I actually enjoy doing? I could have majored in Computer Science when I was younger – but when I checked the degree program, I realized that I would have to take entirely too much math before I could even start the program in order to take the first year math for CS majors. I looked at digital art programs and found one at University of Colorado that looked interesting and offered a few different paths. I checked out some MFA programs in ceramics. But, unless, I could get into University of Colorado at Boulder, my family would have to relocate. I returned to look at the MLA program that I dropped out of in 2005 at the University of Colorado at Denver.
I often joke that I will be reincarnated as a landscape architect. I enjoyed the program, but found that it took quite a toll on my role as a mom to my then 7 year old child. I remember one day, when I picked her up late from school and she asked if I could do something with her when we got home, I told her, “No, mommy has to study.” She replied, “I wish you weren’t in school, you never have any time for me!” It hit me like ton of bricks and I vowed to put her first from then on.
Then, on top of it all, I started to feel sorry for myself. For crying out loud, I’m a 42 year old woman and I should know what I want to be when I grow up! Hell, I should already be grown up by now.
So, now, even I am asking myself, “What about clay? Can’t you just apply yourself and work harder?” Here’s my inner most insecure voice answering, “Yeah, but it’s so hard…..”
My husband listened to me moan & whine, we talked and we have sort of come up with a plan that will alleviate the financial stress for both of us. The sad thing is that when we did the math, we make way more than the average American family of 3. I’m not sure how other people earning less do it – no wonder our economy is such a mess. A moneyless, barter type community is sure starting to look good to me right now. I should probably tell you that we have no credit card bills, no car payment – only a mortgage payment and our monthly utility/food/insurance bills, etc. The mortgage payment is probably a little bigger than it should be (it’s not outrageous), but we pay for the area we live in. People, we really are fine financially – maybe all the dire economic news is just starting to get to me.
Anyway, we agreed that I should not make any decisions about returning to school before allowing some time and my momentary ennui to pass. I did find out that I could return to the MLA program at UCD – I simply have to apply to the school again, but not the program. I dread compiling recommendation letters, transcripts and writing the dreaded essay all over again.
So, where does that leave clay and ceramics? I think I know from where my artistic doubts are coming. I haven’t kept a regular studio schedule since I started preparing for my kid’s camps. My energy has been so concentrated on these camps the past month and since it’s the first summer I’ve taught at the Art Student’s League or Anderson Ranch, I have been hyper focused because I want to do a good great job and make a good impression. My work has been sidelined for the time being and I have become clay neutered!
Meanwhile, I have actually been thinking about new work I’d like to make (it’s coming to me slowly), and it’s not all functional. When I started thinking about possible new work, that little nagging voice crept inside and admonished the artist in me for not having a series or some kind of a problem, statement etc. that I’m expressing/working on. (Yes, I’ve been trying to write an artist’s statement.) I worry that by confessing all of this that anyone reading will be turned off. People like confident people and don’t necessarily want to hear about someone else’s insecurities.
A funny thing happened after I unloaded all those thoughts that had been building onto my unsuspecting husband Saturday night; I started feeling better. Maybe I just needed to voice my fears and frustrations out loud, instead of letting them ruminate and gain strength silently inside my head. He then challenged me to a game of scrabble – and guess what? I won 3 out of 3. I normally lose at least one, but I was on fire. Do we know how to party on a Saturday night or what?
Trancept detail for my final landscape architecture final 2005 (ink on mylar 1/4″ scale)
Switching gears ever so slightly… Yesterday, I was planning for my printmaking + clay kid’s art camp and stumbled upon several of my landscape projects from school. It was bizarre timing if you ask me given my recent mental gymnastics. This is section of my final project and shows a frontal, side and top view of a series of arches that I designed for a corridor of Denver that we were looking at. Mine had a decidedly contemporary minimalist feel to it and when I look at the drawing, which is a type of drawing that’s very mechanical, I feel sort of ambivalent. I can’t even tell you how many hours I spent on this project and my jury wasn’t terribly impressed with it either. I think I got a B on my final and an A- overall for the studio. I know, you say a B is nothing to sneeze at, but not if you’re used to getting As. The comments I received at the crit pissed me off just a tad – the project was critiqued as a public art program in disguise. I guess I didn’t defend myself very well that day.
My final L/A project boards that I had to present and defend in 2005
The funny thing, is that in retrospect, it’s a horrible project, albeit nicely packaged. In real life, it would receive a lot of criticism and is rather sterile compared to my mid-term project. While some students cried after jury, I never did. In fact, after this one, I tracked down and talked to almost every single juror (who were all outside L/A professionals) for more clarification. I think part of my problem was that I was so married to this piece that I couldn’t think straight when it finally came time to present it. After awhile, time constraints force a person to choose a theme/design and make it work regardless of whether it has merit or not.
If I were to return to L/A school, I would definitely push the limits of some outlandish concepts and I started thinking about some of those ideas this past weekend. As humans, we push our notions of beauty, conformity, utility, landscape, design etc. on our personal landscapes. And, by landscape I mean our environment and culture – literally and figuratively. Everything is packaged and judged by its outward appearance. Can ugly be beautiful/popular? Can nothing be useful? Where does comfort come into play?
I’ve started thinking about clay again.
~Cynthia
A Few Marionettes From Last Week’s Art Camp
A few of my students with their marionettes
My first week long art camp at the Art Student’s League of Denver ended on Friday and whew – we finished each and everyone of the marionettes! Time was tight, however, and I was sweating bullets to have them completely assembled by the end of class at 4:00pm.
Since it was the first time I taught this class, I learned a ton. For one thing, this might be a little ambitious for the younger kids in the class – though not all. I also realized that I need to do quite a bit of the prep work ahead of class to save time. It’s amazing how fast 3 hours passes! For the most part, the marionettes were a success. I was starting to feel a little worried that it was too tough for the kids or that they weren’t having any fun, but after asking them point blank, all the kids said they were having a blast. I suppose I shouldn’t be so self conscious in the future.
Claire, age 10 with her horse woman marionette
All of the kids were quite creative with their designs which created a bit of a challenge for me and my assistant. I created my prototype and all of the templates based on a standing figure – so when a few of the kids designed a different type of character, such as the horse/woman, we had to put our thinking caps on to make them work.
Haley, age 10 with “Camp Dork”
Some kids really ran with their ideas! I wondered if “Camp Dork” was a sort of self portrait since Haley was enrolled in many different camps this summer since both her parents work full time.
Despite only being 8 and entering 3rd grade this fall, Marielle created a terrific marionette named “Rosy”
Rosy is an art cat with paintbrush in hand, beret cocked to the side on his head and magnificent yellow wings. Marielle was one of the kids in class who was quite a perfectionist and had a very specific idea of what she wanted her marionette to look like. In fact, after not finding the right fabric for her cat in class, she brought some orange felt from home to finish him. I was so excited to see her finished piece and also amazed at her craftsmanship.
Ben, age 10 also made a non-figurative marionette of bacteria
There were probably 5 kids in the entire class of 17 that chose something entirely different and creative. It’s one of the main reasons that I enjoy teaching kids because they think outside of the box a good bit of the time. Their creativity hasn’t been drilled out of them yet.
Emma, age 9 created her opera singing marionette
Emma did a fantastic job with her character, especially with accessories and sculpting the clay pieces. If you click on the photo to enlarge it, you will see quite a unique head along with some amazing shoes and feet.
Anna, age 9, created a foot marionette
I’m not sure if you can see the head – it’s actually 5 toes with a crocheted hat. Another creative challenge for me to help her see her design to completion.
Ellie, age 8
Despite being one of the younger kids in class, Ellie did not need much help making her piece. She was enthusiastic and had some definite ideas of how she wanted hers to look.
Maud, age 9 one of the Yugioh characters
I’m so out of the loop – when Maud was making her marionette, I had a hard time remembering that it was a Yu-gi-oh. In fact, Yugiohs must be the hot new kid thing. More than one kid was talking about them and I even had to reprimand one of my students who brought his Yugioh trading card collection to class every day. I would catch him talking about his cards and looking through them instead of making his marionette. Come to think of it, he didn’t finish his marionette by the end of class because we didn’t get the control bars attached to his piece. But, he didn’t seem to care – his mind was elsewhere.
Liz, 8 years, self portrait
Liz did a terrific job with her marionette. Since I had 17 kids in the class, it was a big surprise to see everyone’s pieces assembled since I couldn’t spend a ton of time individually with each child. I realized by day 4 that I would need to attach the control bars and strings to the kid’s marionettes for them on the last day so that moment was really the big reveal of their work to me.
Overall, it was a good experience, though I was thoroughly exhausted by the end of class on Friday. If I plan on teaching this class again, I’ll need to tweak my lesson to make it just a little easier for the younger kids or offer it to older children with longer attention spans and manual dexterity.
Meanwhile, I start teaching a printing on clay art camp tomorrow. I’m definitely more relaxed this week and am looking forward to switching gears a little bit. I’ve made my clay slip for the slip transfers we’re doing tomorrow and need to pack my gear so that I’m ready to go early morning.
Have a good week,
~Cynthia
Printmaking Techniques on Clay
My daughter’s slip transfer ceramic wall piece “Ripply River”
My marionette class is winding down at the Art Student’s League of Denver- well actually ramping up into a crescendo of activity as we finish our marionettes. Tomorrow is our last day of camp, yet it feels like we just started. The clay pieces went into the kiln on Tuesday evening and spent the overnight on low in an attempt to dry them out completely before firing. They were fired yesterday and I will unload the ceramic heads, hands and feet this afternoon so that we can finish constructing our marionettes by the end of class tomorrow – I’m keeping my fingers crossed that all the little pieces survived! Otherwise, on to plan “C” for those affected. Incidentally, I don’t know what plan C is – but will figure it out if necessary.
In the meantime, I’ve started writing the lesson plan for next week’s class titled, Beyond Silly Putty – which is basically an exploration of different printmaking techniques on clay. (I didn’t name my class, btw- though I like it) This class won’t require as much prep work as the marionette class since it’s an area of clay exploration that I’m very much interested in applying to my own work. I’ve already taught a couple of the projects that we’re going to make next week in my after school kid’s clay classes last school year.
Some of the projects we’re going to make:
- slip transfers
- handmade roulettes and stamps to use and keep
- relief printing on clay and unlike the linoleum that I carve for my own work, we’re going to use something similar to this which is a Styrofoam type printing plate for kids which does not require the use of sharp carving tools, but uses pens, and other instruments to incise lines.
- stencils
- found objects that we can use to stamp or use as stencils
- collographs – we’re going to make our own printing plates using the contents of the recycle bin and other misc. items like rope and hot glue to make our own texture printing blocks
- paper resist designs
- if we have time, we’ll even make a “Plate-o-matic” as outlined in a recent Pottery Making Illustrated
I’m going to play it by ear as the week passes to gauge the energy and productivity level of the class.
Anna, 3rd grade, “Lucky”, slip transfer wall plaque
While I love all my student’s work, these 4 pieces are a few of my favorite slip transfer pieces that some of the kids in my class made last year.
Ryan, 4th grade, “Copper”, slip transfer wall plaque
Cassidy, 2nd grade, “Cat”, slip transfer wall plaque
These pieces along with several others were on display at the Space Gallery last April. The kids worked very hard and were so pumped seeing their work in a professional art setting.
Needless to say, I haven’t had the energy to make any of my own work this past week and doubt that next week will be any better. I suppose this is the down side of teaching – I find teaching inspiring, invigorating, but thoroughly exhausting. I teach in the morning next week, instead of the afternoons that I’m teaching this week, so maybe I’ll be able to do a little something in the afternoon clay wise.
Until later,
~Cynthia
Part 2: Say Hello To My New Marionette “Sally”
“Sally” Mixed Media Marionette (clay, underglazes, wood, metal, fabric, thread, string & stuffing)
Since I’ve been a little long winded in my posts lately, this one will be mercifully short. Long story short, I started teaching a kid’s summer art camp at the Art Student’s League of Denver yesterday afternoon and we’re going to be super busy through the end of the week making marionettes from a variety of art and everyday materials. The kid’s have some great ideas and I love what they’ve come up with so far.
To aid in character development before they even started sculpting their clay bits and pieces, I had them sketch and describe someone (person, animal or fantasy creature) – favorite foods, pastimes, colors, likes, dislikes, what they’re good at etc. etc.
Here’s my story about Sally that I shared with the class:
“Sally (no offense to any of the other Sallies in the world) loves to sing and perform on stage. She’s not the cutest girl on the block, but she is very colorful and friendly. She loves her black patent leather Mary Jane’s because of the clippity clop sound they make when she walks. She wears them every day regardless of what she is wearing or where she is going, she even wears them to bed.
She didn’t have great dental care when she was a child, in case you didn’t notice. But, she makes up for it by wearing the reddest lipstick in the world. She hopes the red lipstick is just a little distracting when you see her out and about. Sally also wears matching fire engine red finger nail polish just in case she gets any spontaneous requests for a song or two. Believe me, it’s happened before.
She doesn’t care if her clothes match or not because she wears what she likes – especially if it’s colorful and has pretty patterns. ‘The louder the better’, her mom always says.
Sally came from a family of red heads – but somehow her hair turned out blazing orange. She thinks her orange hair helps people remember her and she stands out from the crowd even on a darkened stage. Sally also likes to wear all sorts of hair bows, accessories and jewelry though, she can’t seem to find her crown at the moment.
Sometimes, people make fun of her. This makes her a little sad, but not too much because she knows that she is talented and people will love her if only they could hear her sing. She’s also a very good and loyal friend – pinky best friends.
Her favorite food is pickles with extra pickle juice on the side, unless she’s sick and then she likes ice cream. Vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce, whipped cream and a cherry – but she don’t want no nuts mama – thanks very much.”
I hope you like Sally, though I must tell you that she sort of scared my family after I introduced her to them. She’ll grow on them over time – they just have to get to know her better. 
Here’s Sally’s fancy black patent leather shoes
I don’t really know how old Sally is, except that she does enjoy a dirty gin martini once in awhile (this must mean that she’s over 21 and if she’s anything like me, I’m 42 going on 13.)
I had a lot of fun with this project! Now, I have to start on next week’s lesson plan.
Hope everyone is having a good week,
~Cynthia
P.S. I’ve put a lot of effort and time into making this lesson plan along with a few others that I’ve developed. I’m considering putting an e-book together that I’ll make available for others to download. That’s a future project though…
