Self Imposed Angst…
Or was I just having a pity party?
Daughter has found some cool tools on the new camera…
It could be a touch of both. Luckily, I snapped myself out of it because like Danzig (in photo above) says, it’s just not a pretty site or very becoming. I spent most of Wednesday prone in bed depressed and was a real mess. I am not normally a sad person and am the first to “snap out” of any perceived unpleasant situation, but I admit – I was pathetic Wednesday. In bed by 6pm, refusing to make dinner – let alone eat, sleeping till my ears physically hurt until finally crawling out of bed Thursday morning at 7am.
Why? I think that the impending move is wigging me out just a little, along with the prospect of going back to school in the fall at age 42 and the general let down feeling that sometimes follows after a busy schedule comes crashing to a sudden halt among other things. How does one regroup and recapture some of the previous energy and focus?
I recognize that while it’s normal to have occasional low moments, it’s not okay to dwell on them because it’s likely to cause stagnation and even regression (for me at least – and disclaimer here – I am not making light of depression and know it is a serious disease). If I look around my neighborhood, the city or heck the world I find that there are many who would trade their very real problems with my perceived ones. Close to home, one of my friends and former classmates from high school is having a very real family crisis that would put anyone to the test.
You see, my friend’s wife was diagnosed with ALS a couple of year’s ago. She is a mere 40 years old and has 3 beautiful girls under the age of 12 – my problems pale in comparison. After thinking about Heidi, I laced up my running shoes and hit the trails hard because I know she would trade her weakened muscles and wheel chair for my able body and the promise that anything is possible with me any day of the week. I ran at top speed until my legs and lungs burned. Angrily, I ran for Heidi thinking how unfair life can be. I ran till I could barely breathe and my normally hyper active dog had to concentrate to keep up. I ran until I wasn’t feeling sorry for myself any more. When I finally slowed to a jog, I knew that I had to push my angst aside and concentrate on the possible because worrying about what hasn’t happened yet is really really unproductive and quite spirit crushing.
When I returned home, I had recovered my focus and know that whatever it is that I end up doing in the near and distant future, I need to do it with gusto and certainty. There are no dress rehearsals in life.
~Cynthia
P.S. On a lighter note, I did figure one thing out – I am planning on running a 1/2 marathon in the fall and have been wondering how I’d fit the training in once school starts in August. Then I remembered a recent article in Runner’s World about running commuters – perfect solution, “kills 2 birds with one stone” so to speak (my daughter hates that phrase – click on the link to see some alternatives). My new commute from home will be roughly 3.5 miles each way once we move – easy peasy – though I will have to figure out the whole sweaty/changing clothes thing.
New Digital Camera Has Arrived
Pentax Optio P70
Thanks so much for all the camera recommendations last week! We finally decided on the Pentax Optio P70 in red based on ultra compact size, reviews, and features. Weirdly, after visiting a ton of stores, we didn’t find it in Denver and ended up purchasing it online through Amazon. It arrived Monday and everyone has been playing around with it – especially my daughter who aspires to make the next popular viral video on You Tube. I sat through 6 minutes of “Stuffed Animal American Idol” just this morning. 
The Pentax is not the top rated digital camera out there, but already, I can tell it’s a step up from my old and much pricier Olympus. It’s basically the size of a flip top cell phone and fits into a pocket easily.
Not much happening on the pottery front this week. I did meet with Colorado Potters Guild Fall Show committee last night – I’ll be taking the reigns as marketing chair which makes me slightly nauseous even though I’m pretty good at the task.
Till later,
Cynthia
PS – In preparation for the move and remodel, I have been doing some intenet sleuthing and am finding tons of really great products and DIY projects that I’m loving.
Handmade Modern by Todd Oldham has a project idea or 2 I'd like to try making.
Looks Like We’re Moving…Cross Town
Fresh cut poppy in a Kate Wasson salt fired planter/vase I purchased at the Potters Guild Spring show.
Despite taking a lot of luxurious naps this weekend, I feel like I’m still recovering from the past month’s activities that started with the Colorado Potters Guild show the first weekend in May and ended with my daughter’s graduation from 5th grade last Friday – and now it’s June already!
5th grade graduation
So, what’s new? My husband has finally talked me into moving into a sorely neglected home that we have been renting out for the past 11 years. He’s been working on getting me on board for the past couple of months now…. We’re going to meet with our contractor (who remodeled our current house) on Friday to go over a few musts and wishes. The house has been neglected the past few years – the yard is overgrown, the kitchen is dated, there is only 1 bath room that leaks, and I could go on and on.
I tried being the voice of fiscal reason, copping an attitude, appealing to his love of the neighborhood, stamping my feet, among other things but I finally grew tired of counter arguing the issue and he won. Unlike the house we currently live in, we will not be remodeling it top to bottom because of budget issues. Our budget is roughly $60,000 which given today’s prices won’t get us far. So, we’re going to tackle some unglamorous but necessary and mostly invisible renovations such as *new and updated plumbing, *new and updated electrical (we cannot currently use a microwave and a toaster at the same time without blowing a fuse – let alone a kiln or two) as well as some more visible changes such as replacing windows, old appliances, changing out the old pink Formica counter tops, landscaping, painting and possibly some tile work in the bath.
Some work we will do ourselves such as landscaping, painting and cosmetic changes – but the big stuff like windows, plumbing and electric will go to the pros.
Why move? I had originally told my husband that I was done moving when we fixed our current house up, but when faced with the hard realities of the current real estate market and incurring capital gains taxes if we sell our rental (we’re tired of being land lords) it just makes fiscal sense. You see, if we live in our rental for 2 years, we can sell it without paying capital gains. We are going to rent out our current house for at least a year (this is something I don’t relish – my lovingly tended landscape going to pot) and more. But, there are 5 houses for sale on our block alone right now – that’s not conducive to selling. We will re-evaluate in a year’s time whether to sell or hang onto it. To tell you the truth, the house and location are great, the yard and square footage a little too small. Our rental is much bigger and has a larger yard, but is not in as desirable a neighborhood as our current home.
My conditions: On the one hand, I’m going to be sad to leave our home and start over. On the other hand, I relish the creative challenge of bringing a little more sparkle to the old house on a tight budget. I’ll be too busy to cry and moving into the old rental will makes both a puzzle and dare at the same time. I am also insisting on doing this greener than we have remodeled houses in the past. We are going to repaint the kitchen cabinets instead of replacing, recycle furniture, replace the windows and appliances with energy star rated products, add insulation where necessary, use low VOC paints, I am looking for eco-friendly kitchen counter options, am going to turn our front yard into an “Edible Estate” – and am also looking into keeping some chickens in the back yard.
Chickens
The past 2 items made my husband just a little nervous, but his desire to avoid paying capital gains is over riding his fear of an urban farmstead. I also want to revisit selling our current house next summer, something he doesn’t necessarily want to do. He envisions us moving back here in 2 years – but seriously, I’ll be in my last year of grad school by then and I might not want to move back, and my emotional investment in the remodeled house might be too high by then.
In the meantime, I’m looking forward to crafting our new home and think it might just make a nice little side blog – what do you think?
Cynthia
