A few days ago, I wrote a “true confessions” blog post about being a procrastinator - a not so nice trait that I recognize in myself as it’s happening but over which I feel powerless. A wise bloggie friend, Mary, of Bead Fluff, emailed me privately after reading my post along with a link to an article by Robert Genn that she had just read. Before I had even clicked on the link, I emailed her back to tell her about how until recently (maybe the last year or two) I hadn’t recognized this self destructive tendency in myself. Later on in the day, I read Robert Genn’s article about how often times, artists possess both the yin (female) and yang (male) tendencies which tend to balance each other out. In the article, Robert mentions that often times, many artists who go on to be quite well known are out of yin/yang sync (think Van Gogh, Basquiat et al), meaning that one or another of the traits dominates, creating a successful, yet poisonous imbalance.
The article gave me something to think about since I don’t exactly want to self destruct and am trying to build an art career. I know I recently wrote about becoming a “certified” teacher. I was most likely seduced by the notion of a monetary paycheck and a steady job. I don’t want just any job and left my last job because I was tired of being a monkey and unappreciated. I, along with a lot of other people/artists, am looking for career enhancing satisfaction, self fulfillment, and a longing that I can’t quite describe. Simply put, I am just looking to create a path for myself that is authentic and one I feel good about. I can still teach without going back to school by just doing it - see the going back to school part is the avoidance, ie. I’ll be happy when I do (fill in the blank). It’s easy to romanticize a paycheck when I have to make my pantry stretch for a few weeks and my family’s car experiences a major repair. But is money everything? If I decide to become a “certified” teacher, I want it to be for the right reasons… Boy oh boy, I feel a tangent coming on that I had better divert right this very minute. At any rate, suffice it to say, thank you *Mary* for your keen insight and wisdom - You’re an angel!
Speaking of angels, I had posted the above elliptical for sale on Craigslist Denver this past week, and woo hoo - a kindly gentleman took it off our hands this evening! I can’t believe how much space that netted my studio - Scratching my head in wonderment??? Next up is an upright piano which was my parent’s when I was growing up. I don’t exactly want to get rid of it, but no one in my immediate family is interested in playing the piano and there’s no space inside our small house either to store or display it. I’m thinking of donating it to someone who maybe can’t afford one, but who is passionate about playing piano. Once the piano is out of the picture, we’re going to begin insulating and dry walling my studio space so that I can work there year round. If you think going on vacation can stall my art making, imaging what a cold winter would do?? Desperately seeking balance….
Meanwhile, today marked the Josh and Gus Run for a Cause that benefits SUDC, or Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood - a cousin of SIDS. I donated the above piece to their silent auction and hope that the group raised a ton of money for research that can prevent future deaths. As a mom, I can only imagine what parents of SIDS or SUDC children are coping with!
So, after much rambling, I am signing off for today,
~Cynthia
Tags: josh and gus, life of an artist, porcelain bottle, wheel thrown pottery
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brave post my friend, brave post. Now I am no monkey, but I went through this stage myself…choosing my work and a “lesser” lifestyle (money wise only) for myself and family. I choose to possibly dissapoint others in order to be true to myself. It ain’t easy and it ain’t pretty some months…but it’s true and it’s mine and I am proud of my choices. It’s allowed me to develop as an artist and a woman…and a human being too. I can’t turn my back on what I know is true…I am an artist, and someday I will have a career that shines…until then I keep working. You need time to let this whole “working” thing gel…our choices would have no power if temptation wasn’t a powerful thing. You my friend, are a powerful artist…and such a brave person. You can’t help but be successful. Carry On! Oh, and I love the birds…crap on a stick those birds simply rock!
I am not sure what to say other than I sympathize and understand. It is a very personal decision and one that has to be balanced with so many factors. Hmbt says it best and I agree with her. Plus I really love how she said “crap on a stick those birds simply rock” They are fabulous cynthia.
Heather and Jafabrit, I decided to edit the post I wrote last night for fear that I would offend some people. Although, anyone who subscribes will get the unedited one.
I can really only talk about my last mind numbing experience of working for an airline. After several years, I just wasn’t into it anymore. I can’t even describe the ennui I felt when I would look up from the beverage cart only to see hundreds of thirsty people only to have to repeat the scenario several times a day. For that reason, I used to like to work the back end of the cart so I couldn’t see anyone other than the people who had already been served.
I can tell you that I have friends who are still flying who love their jobs. It’s just a personality thing. You either click with your job or you don’t. After awhile, the free travel and paycheck wasn’t enough for me.
Oh, and I love “crap on a stick” - I had to read that a few times…
I can so relate to this post, Cynthia! I was in the same position a few years ago and many times besides that over the past 17 years that I have been an artist. I too was seduced into thinking that I could be a teacher after substitute teaching for two years. Of course I eventually recognized that it was the paycheck drawing me in. I loved working with the kids, but it took away so much of my energy that I was unable to take time for my art. I have to agree wholeheartedly that jobs are for monkeys! This isn’t a bad thing, we need those monkeys to help keep the world turning, but the world also needs devoted artists to make the world turning worthwhile!
Just know that your artist friends are out here pulling for you and can relate to the dilema you are facing. It’s not always easy to live the artist’s life, but it is so very fulfilling in the end!
And NO, money isn’t everything!
Why would you want to be afraid of offending someone?? It’s your blog…
Good article Mary sent you. Anyways, I am the same way. I feel I am purposely self-destructing, but then I finish a piece (not often), and it seemed worthwhile. I am feeling that each time this cycle becomes even more difficult to live through…
I hear you Cynthia… Kudos to you for going after your dream! If only I have half the courage you have to end my 9-5 job. Mondays are especially difficult, especially after an entire Sunday spent behind the pottery wheel. P.S., love the new vases!
I too like working with the children, Paula, and appreciate that you’ve been there, done the same as me. If I became a teacher, it would be 100% full on devoted, which I don’t think would leave much time for art work, other than on a hobby level.
Also, let me clarify the monkey thing, which is conversational really and shouldn’t have been posted on the blog. I tell my SO all the time to quit being a monkey and to do something that he’s passionate about. He’s not ready to jump that ship, however. I know it’s naive to say, but I’ll say it - I really believe that if everyone was doing what they really wanted to do with their lives, we would live in a happier, more peaceful world. I know that’s not how things work though in real life.
Some people might say that being a sub is a monkey position - to which I say, but I love the flexibility and the fact that I’m not paying day care for my daughter in the summer months. So, it’s all about doing what you enjoy and get value from.
I never would have guessed that, Diana from your creative work and blog posts! I’m not sure it’s better that I recognize it or not - because now I know when I’m doing it but can hopefully stop it.
Remember the Bob Geldoff song, I don’t like Mondays, Chi? I sympathize with you. If it’s any consolation, now that I’m subbing a max of 3 days a week, I was in my studio all day Sunday too since I knew that I wouldn’t get a chance to get into the studio until Thursday.
Ooh! Dibs on your piano…wait a minute! I forgot about the intervening ocean!Otherwise, I’d be there with a trailer and my money-box.
Serious now…I, too, get those Robert Genn letters.It is hard to strike a balance and sometimes, having found that balance, it’s hard not to want to leap into fresh air all over again! .To be dollar-driven is the most crushing of the (many) burdens artists carry.I see from the comments that most of your friends and readers applaud your decision.Maybe subbing is the answer, rather than certificated teaching?
Whatever you do, please keep making more “crap-on-a-stick” art!
Thanks for your comments, Dinah, I really appreciate them. I think Robert Genn’s letters are more geared towards painting, there are none the less a few interesting tid bits that apply to artists working in other mediums occasionally.
Too bad, you didn’t live close by, I would love to have someone take the piano off my hands…
My suggestion would be to develop some art workshop lesson plans from your experiences subbing.
Wonderful post! I think that you should do whatever will make you happy.
You are a very intellegent person, I’m sure that you will choose the right path for you. 
*HUGS*
P.S. You could NEVER offend me!
That’s a great idea, Janet! In fact, I’m learning so much having subbed in ECE which is pre-kindergarten to 3rd 4th and 5th graders and special ed. Each level brings its own set of challenges and rewards…
Thanks Angela!
With lesson plans in hand, you can start sending out workshop proposals to art centers. You get to do what you love, yet you are not committed to it long term. Plus make a little money. And you dont necessarily have to have a teaching certificate.
Not sure how I missed this post but you touch on all kinds of things that plague my every move! maybe it’s the curse of the chronically creative?
One thing about teaching, having been there: it can be really creative and, unlike many other jobs (like working for an airline), it is a profession ~ i.e. you are autonomous and can chart your students’ and therefore your own course. That said, it was the bureacracy of the system that got me down in the end. Plus the fact that it is one of the world’s most demanding jobs. I didn’t have enough left at the end of the day for my family let alone painting! But man, do I miss those paycheques!