Musings on Art and Fear Frustration

Art and Fear by David Bayles & Ted Orland

I decided to start reading Art and Fear again – it’s one of those books that I pick up from time to time. I do think the title is all wrong though. I am not afraid of success, but rather get frustrated at the snails pace of my journey. And, I suppose success is a subjective term here – it means different things to different people.

The authors write:

“At some point the need for acceptance may well collide head-on with the need to do your own work. It’s too bad, since the request itself seems so reasonable: you want to do your own work, and you want acceptance for that. It’s the ballad of the cowboy and the mountain man, the myth of artistic integrity and Sesame Street: sing the song of your heart, and sooner or later the world will accept and reward the authentic voice. Jaded sophisticates laugh at this belief, but usually buy into it along with everyone else anyway.

In the non-art world, this belief system is a driving mechanism behind the American Dream – and the Mid-Life Crisis. In the art work, it’s a primary buffer against disillusionment.”

Here’s what I think: Art (or at least ceramic art) is not an inexpensive venture. I want success – financial, personal and peer recognition. There I said it out loud. Without these things, I start thinking that I need to get a “real job”. I was thinking about this yesterday. Why do I want to work for someone else and why do I work harder for others than for myself? The answer? The paycheck is guaranteed! One might even be rewarded for being the employee of the month, aka recognition, and at the end of the day I feel good because I’m not fretting about the bills and can sit back and enjoy the evening.

I’m really trying not to whine here and hope it’s not coming off as such. I am simply trying to understand myself better. This is really an a-ha moment for me and hope it reads as such. One thing I’ve learned about myself. I talk a lot about what I’m going to do and don’t always act on my plans. In the next week, I am going to polish my artist statement and get my portfolio in order to send out to various galleries. I am also going to submit some images to Lark Books for their 500 Plates, Platters and Chargers book coming out in 2008. (Ceramic artists- postmark deadline is July 18th.) And finally, I am going to continue to make work for my Etsy Shop

I am currently working on a special request for someone who saw my work on Flickr a few weeks ago. David is an avid gardener and a former art/art history lecturer who lives in Michigan. He was attracted to my pieces where I created texture using the “shellac and subtract” method of decorating my work with ginkgo leaves and honeysuckle vines. Here’s the progress so far:

Cynthia Guajardo wheel thrown porcelain bowl with ginkgo leaves

This bowl and the mug below are currently drying and have already been wiped down to reveal the raised design

Cynthia Guajardo wheel thrown mug with ginkgo leaves
I’ve been adding wax to my handles where they meet the body since I was having some difficulty with handles popping off

Cynthia Guajardo wheel thrown porcelain vase
I’ll be adding the shellac honeysuckle decoration today

Meanwhile, we enjoyed the fireworks at Washington Park yesterday and got caught in the rain – not quite as romantic as the song implies. On a side note, the park looks like it’s suffering from a massive hang over right now – abandoned grills, sporting equipment, clothing, assorted cardboard boxes that once contained beer and who knows what else. Apparently we weren’t the only ones to get caught.


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Effigy Doll

Cynthia Guajardo Porcelain Vooddoo Doll Head

Porcelain Effigy Doll Head – not bisqued

Cynthia Guajardo Porcelain Vooddoo Doll Head
There has been lots of discussion about the frustrating aspects of building a successful art career in cyberspace lately. I almost wonder if there isn’t something in the air, or is it a viral infection much like Rage in the movie 28 Days Later?

A couple of days ago, I made a scheduled stop to one of my favorite artist’s blogs, Jafabrit, and became enamored of a voodoo doll that she and a friend had made for another friend whose husband walked out on her. It was a way to cheer their friend up and for her to vent a little bit. I decided that’s just what I needed! I need my own doll and I decided to set about making one, partly out of clay of course, so that it can serve as a reminder that I’m really okay.

The doll that Jafabrit made is not pretty – it’s rather raw and fitting for the occasion for which it was made. Normally, I make pretty things. I’ll admit it. But, in the case of my effigy doll, I want to craft a crude incarnation – to encase those ugly feelings such as frustration, fear, etc. that I occasionally experience.

Cynthia Guajardo Porcelain Vooddoo Doll Head Sketch

Original Sketch

The image above is my original sketch, not quite Odilon Redon or Goya, but my own version of how I imagine I look inside when I’ve got those ugly feelings bottled up. I still need to make some hands and feet and will add a cloth body to the head – hence the holes in the neck.

Guess what? I feel better already! If anyone else feels like making one, go right ahead. Just make sure you send us a link.

In other news, our house was chosen to be on the 2008 West Washington Park House Tour this fall. Boy, oh boy, do we have a lot of work to do! We live in a popular area of Denver where older homes pre-dominate and when we remodeled, we kept our house small instead of scraping it off as is the style now a days. I guess I’ll finally finish painting, make curtains & slip covers etc. I’m honored and excited to have our home featured this year.

Have a good weekend everyone!
Cynthia Guajardo Ceramic Artist

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