Daughter has found some cool tools on the new camera...

It could be a touch of both.  Luckily, I snapped myself out of it because like Danzig (in photo above) says, it’s just not a pretty site or very becoming.  I spent most of Wednesday prone in bed depressed and was a real mess.  I am not normally a sad person and am the first to “snap out” of any perceived unpleasant situation, but I admit – I was pathetic Wednesday.  In bed by 6pm, refusing to make dinner – let alone eat, sleeping till my ears physically hurt until finally crawling out of bed Thursday morning at 7am.

Why?  I think that the impending move is wigging me out just a little, along with the prospect of going back to school in the fall at age 42 and the general let down feeling that sometimes follows after a busy schedule comes crashing to a sudden halt among other things.  How does one regroup and recapture some of the previous energy and focus?

I recognize that while it’s normal to have occasional low moments, it’s not okay to dwell on them because it’s likely to cause stagnation and even regression (for me at least – and disclaimer here – I am not making light of depression and know it is a serious disease).  If I look around my neighborhood, the city or heck the world I find that there are many  who would trade their very real problems with my perceived ones.  Close to home, one of my friends and former classmates from high school is having a very real family crisis that would put anyone to the test.

You see, my friend’s wife was diagnosed with ALS a couple of year’s ago.  She is a mere 40 years old and has 3 beautiful girls under the age of 12 – my problems pale in comparison.  After thinking about Heidi, I laced up my running shoes and hit the trails hard because I know she would trade her weakened muscles and wheel chair for my able body and the promise that anything is possible with me any day of the week.  I ran at top speed until my legs and lungs burned.  Angrily, I ran for Heidi thinking how unfair life can be.  I ran till I could barely breathe and my normally hyper active dog had to concentrate to keep up.  I ran until I wasn’t feeling sorry for myself any more.  When I finally slowed to a jog, I knew that I had to push my angst aside and concentrate on the possible because worrying about what hasn’t happened yet is really really unproductive and quite spirit crushing.

When I returned home, I had recovered my focus and know that whatever it is that I end up doing in the near and distant future, I need to do it with gusto and certainty.  There are no dress rehearsals in life.

~Cynthia

P.S.  On a lighter note, I did figure one thing out – I am planning on running a 1/2 marathon in the fall and have been wondering how I’d fit the training in once school starts in August.  Then I remembered a recent article in Runner’s World about running commuters – perfect solution, “kills 2 birds with one stone” so to speak (my daughter hates that phrase – click on the link to see some alternatives).  My new commute from home will be roughly 3.5 miles each way once we move – easy peasy – though I will have to figure out the whole sweaty/changing clothes thing.

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